Devaneios em um dia nublado.

"Have you slept with him?

Yes.

Was it good? I mean, is it better than...

I don't wanna talk about it with you. I've gotta go. Sorry."

          I tried to figure out what went wrong. Why did we break up? It's funny, but when I think back now the reason seems so small. One day she's with me, and she's saying "I love you" and the next week she's with someone else. Probably saying the same thing. So did she really love me? What is love anyway? And is it really that fleeting?

To think about her now with someone else, it felt like all the oxygen had been sucked from the room. After my breakup with her, I just couldn't fall asleep anymore. The more I tried to sleep, the less tired I felt. I was wide awake. I tried everything. I'd just become immune to sleep. I suddenly found I had eight extra hours. My life had been extended by a third. I wanted time to pass quickly, but instead I was forced to witness the passing of every second of every hour. I wanted the hurt I felt to go away. But in some cruel trick of events, I now had even more time on my hands. More time to think about her. I could feel a faint shift in a faraway place. A current of unknown consequences was on its way moving towards me like an unstoppable wave of fate.

My breakup had left me with a sense that time had become unhinged. I drifted between imagination and reality, between past and present with increasing ease. I feel the bolts of time slowly coming away from the breakup. Time manipulation is not a precise science. Like any art, it's personal to the individual. So what is the art in making my days go so fast? I imagine the opposite. That time is frozen. I imagine the remote control for life has been paused.

Within this frozen world, I'm able to walk freely and unnoticed. Nobody would even know that time had stopped. And when it started back up again, the invisible join would be seamless except for a slight shudder. Not unlike the feeling of somebody walking over your grave.

That moment when you see someone walking down the street who is so beautiful you just can't help but stare... Well, imagine as I do, that with the world on pause it becomes very easy to understand the concept of beauty. To have it frozen in front of you. Captured. Unaware.