Dear diary,
I never meant to be here. Waiting for something. Wandering in the
limbo. My intentions were always to be with someone that I loved for the rest
of my life. To be happy. To feel like life is worth living. I find it harder
and harder to happen. I always thought that my first shot would be my last. Oh,
how mistaken I was. It is such a strange world I live in. Love is supposed to
be tough, I know that. It isn’t about how much you can feel happy with someone,
but how much you can take without giving up. The idea of the future with
someone overcomes the feeling of just walking away, even if that will make you
feel better for a while. Everyone has flaws. There isn’t a single perfect
person in this world. We are all looking for someone to feel good about sharing
our problems with.
People tend to find possibilities in everything. If they are in an
uncomfortable situation, we search ways to get out of it. Maybe they don’t even
know it, but they do. If you are in a relationship that isn’t getting to your
expectations, you most likely will start to look for new partners. A friend, an
acquaintance, anyone who will fit in your needs. That way, you at least have a
second option, in case everything goes wrong. And I understand it, I know that
this is just the world. This is the twenty first century. I just refuse to
accept it. I don’t want to be a part of this madness. These modern
relationships that are more and more confusing. They end in the same way they
started: in a glimpse. You call your boyfriend or girlfriend, tell them you are
breaking up. No contact, just a single call. I mean, why would you bother to do
it in person, right? It is much more comfortable. You save yourself a whole
bunch of drama. After that, you just need take it off your facebook status
and you are good to go. You are ready to start dating with someone else, guilty
free. You are ready to flirt with that one who you met a while ago, when you
were in a relationship. Maybe even have something? Some fun night? A new
partner? You can either just kiss or have sex. Both options are surprisingly
common to happen.
It is sad how things end up nowadays. Relationships were supposed to be really
complicated, yet they finish like it was nothing more than just some months
spent. I mean, it is supposed to, right? Gathering two people and putting them
side-by-side, telling them to accept each other’s problems. It is almost
impossible. I would say that this one of the most difficult things in the
world: to be in a relationship. But no, it seems like people can’t have
commitments. They just run away when it is convenient to them. Like there was
no passion involved, or feelings. It is just “Hey, we are breaking up. Sorry
about that. Bye.”. Horrible, isn’t it? Yeah, I find it too. No strings
attached? Probably. I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that, actually. The way
people see relationships nowadays is disgusting.
I wish it wasn’t like that. It should matter to have someone by your side. They
are not just a plastic bag, that you can throw away and then pick it up again.
This isn’t okay. At least not for me. I know that people change. Feelings
change. We are constantly transforming ourselves, whether we like it or not.
You are not the same as you were last week and neither I am. You see things and
they change you. You can feel something for somebody and, one day, you don’t
anymore. You can’t control it, it is just life. I know all of it. You, and only
you, make your choices through life. You can be anything you want to. You can
do whatever you want to. But you have to know that there are consequences to
your actions. You can’t expect to hurt someone so deeply and hope that things
won’t change. It doesn’t work that way. You can’t just disappear from someone’s
life and them comeback, like nothing happened. Time happened. You made your
choice to vanish and there are consequences to that.
I would also like to talk about relationships that were built from long
friendships, but that would be too personal for me. I am not ready for it, yet.
It is still painful and I don’t want to have thoughts on that. Not again. I
need some time from this.
Thank you
for listening, Tom. I appreciate that.
Sincerely,
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