Excuse me, informality coming through.

I'm just living it through. I'm not thinking about anything. I’m just waking up and doing stuff. I'm having a hard time. I didn't know I would be this affected with this while situation (obviously I didn't expect her to find someone so soon, but even before it fucked me up).

I used to make plans all the time. My two past relationships were all about that: "Oh we will grow up and have kids and die together beside a fireplace". I barely escaped from the first one. I held on, but I got lost for some time (and this was only a 4 month relationship). Now, I just don't know. Like I don't have many friends (actually I had a big surprise when a old one came up and like stood by me, saying if I needed to talk he would be there) but that's pretty much it. My closest is really busy with college, so I don't think it's a good idea to fill her mind up more. Besides, she has a boyfriend that sometimes gets really jealous, even tough he is my friend.

So I don't really have someone to talk to. And it's fine, because I don't want to. I don't want people asking what happened, because I don't fucking know what happened. It went from 10 to freaking -90 in a week, so yeah, I don't know.

I just need someone to listen to me when I want (I know that sounds super rude, but I just cant be like all friends with everybody just now) and understand that I am going through the hardest part of my life. I mean, two years were just shattered and I don't know how to deal with this. She moved on. She found someone to lay her shoulders on. She found someone to go to bed with and sleep. Or fuck. I don't know. I can't. I'm lost. And no, I don't want to fucking go to a party and hook up with somebody, that's freaking disgusting. I always hated that. If I want to be with someone, it will be either a friend or a friend that I still haven't met.

I am just trying to pick my shit and live through this whole nightmare.